Author Topic: Post some jokes here!  (Read 6550 times)

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Offline Minim

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Re: Post some jokes here!
« Reply #30 on: August 23, 2016, 05:59:23 am »
For some reason I can't get the Buddha joke. Love the Cat and Noah's Ark jokes! :thumbsup:

Here are some of the funniest jokes unveiled from the Edinburgh Fringe. Below are five of my favourites out of the 15 best jokes of this year. (See here for the full list, see how many you can get!)

"My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart"
"Why is it old people say "there's no place like home", yet when you put them in one…"
"Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask"
"I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words"
"Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first"
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Offline mobius

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Re: Post some jokes here!
« Reply #31 on: September 25, 2016, 07:08:37 pm »
here's a program that randomly mixes up sound clips to make jokes. Put it into a blank web page to work.

*warning* it contains naughty language and sometimes utterly humorless, confusing stuff.
"Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away."
-Hakwin Rinzai

"Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man"
-the Dude


Offline Colorful Arty

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Re: Post some jokes here!
« Reply #32 on: January 13, 2017, 12:36:52 am »
What snack has mass appeal?

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My Youtube channel where I let's play games with family-friendly commentary:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiRPZ5j87ft_clSRLFCESQA

My levelpack: SubLems
For NeoLemmix: http://www.lemmingsforums.net/index.php?topic=2787.0
For SuperLemmini: http://www.lemmingsforums.net/index.php?topic=2704.0

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Development Topic: http://www.lemmingsforums.net/index.php?topic=3166.0

Offline Colorful Arty

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Re: Post some jokes here!
« Reply #33 on: September 01, 2017, 05:26:00 pm »
What's the best class for a stoner to take?

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My Youtube channel where I let's play games with family-friendly commentary:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiRPZ5j87ft_clSRLFCESQA

My levelpack: SubLems
For NeoLemmix: http://www.lemmingsforums.net/index.php?topic=2787.0
For SuperLemmini: http://www.lemmingsforums.net/index.php?topic=2704.0

Upcoming levelpack: ArtLems
Development Topic: http://www.lemmingsforums.net/index.php?topic=3166.0

Offline Nessy

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Re: Post some jokes here!
« Reply #34 on: September 01, 2017, 06:46:19 pm »
This isn’t my joke; I read it a long time ago. I paraphrased it below because I don’t remember it exactly. I’m sorry if you don’t understand it and yes I do have a strange sense of humor.



Two mathematicians, mathematician A and B, walk into a bar. Mathematician A says to B, "You know what’s wrong with today's society? No one knows Calculus anymore".
"I'm sure," says mathematician A, "that there are still plenty of people that know Calculus".

Mathematician B goes to the bathroom. Mathematician A makes sure he is gone and then calls over the bartender. "When my friend comes back," he says, "I’m going to ask you a question and I want your response to be x cubed over 3".

The bartender looks confused, but then nods. Mathematician B comes back and mathematician A says, "You know what, I’m going to prove you wrong". He looks at the bartender and says, "Excuse me ma’am, but what is the integral of x squared?"

The bartender looks at him with the same confused expression, but then finally says, "x cubed over 3".

Mathematician A looks surprised, nods, and then says, "I guess I was wrong, people do-"

But then he was cut off as the bartender suddenly stops, turns around, and shouts, "Wrong! The integral of x squared is x cubed over three PLUS the constant of integration!"

Offline mobius

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Re: Post some jokes here!
« Reply #35 on: September 02, 2017, 02:47:51 am »
A man comes home to his wife and says

"Honey, pack your bags! I just won the lottery!"

she says; "Oh boy! What should I pack?"

he says; "I don't care, just pack and get the heck out!"

-------

A man goes to the doctor and the doctor prescribes him suppositories. He goes home and after a week comes back and says to the doctor;

"These pills aren't working at all!"

The doctor says; "Are you sure you're taking them correctly?"

He says "of course! What am I supposed to do, shove em up my ass?"
"Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away."
-Hakwin Rinzai

"Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man"
-the Dude


Offline Nessy

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Re: Post some jokes here!
« Reply #36 on: September 02, 2017, 03:24:23 am »
Here's one my grandmother read and told me a while back. It was originally in Spanish so I did my best to translate it into English without losing the joke.


A couple is having trouble having a baby. They went to the doctor to get tested and the results came out as the following: the wife got "N" and the husband got "OUFP". The husband shouted out, "Ha, you're the one with the problem! You got N for Nope" and I got OUFP for "Ohmygosh you're Undeniable in your Freaking Prime". A doctor overheard them and said, "You are incorrect sir. Your wife got N for Normal, and you got OUFP for Only Useful For Peeing".

Offline mobius

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Re: Post some jokes here!
« Reply #37 on: September 03, 2017, 12:55:40 am »
this one's a little dirty.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
"Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away."
-Hakwin Rinzai

"Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man"
-the Dude


Offline chrisleec728

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Re: Post some jokes here!
« Reply #38 on: September 04, 2017, 10:21:11 pm »
A lemming walks into a bar carrying a pickax. The bartender looks up and sees him and says, "Sorry, we don't serve miners."

Offline Nessy

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Re: Post some jokes here!
« Reply #39 on: September 05, 2017, 12:45:47 am »
What did the element say to Copper and Tellurium?
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Offline 607

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Re: Post some jokes here!
« Reply #40 on: December 08, 2018, 09:09:56 pm »
(I guess I can ignore the red text here, as people might want to reread these jokes as well as adding new ones ;))

The problem isn't that obesity runs in your family. The problem is that no one runs in your family.

What do you call a factory that sells passable products?
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Offline Metallica

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Re: Post some jokes here!
« Reply #41 on: February 20, 2019, 03:53:02 pm »
- What would have to change if Polish streets accomplished the European law?
- The European law! XD
I'm Polish and sometimes this joke is really true...