Which word is spelled incorrectly in every dictionary?
What cheese do you use to encourage a bear to come with you?
Why did I name my horse "Treacle"?
Because she had golden styrrups
I was up all night trying to work out where the sun was; then it dawned on me.
I tried playing football, but I wasn't any good. I just stood there trying to work out why the ball was getting bigger; then it hit me.
Someone once said "it's not rocket science!" to me when I was asking about something I didn't understand. To be fair, I was asking about how it would be possible to allow an object to defy gravity long enough to propel something extremely heavy away from the Earth, so they may have been wrong.
I was in a public restroom and there was some graffiti on the wall that said "Jesus saves...but Ronaldo scores on the rebound!"
And, an old favourite of mine... What did the robot say to the petrol pump?
Take your finger out of your ear when I'm talking to you!