Mr. John Lemming stared idly at the great cascade as it came plummeting down through a chasm in the barren rock, and wondered how on earth he had ended up agreeing to meet his contact in a dump like this. Tightrope City was one of those fashionable resorts that's bustling with tourists in the summer, plays host to the more masochistic or penny-pinching holidaymakers in the fall, and no life in the winter. It was winter now, and so cold and desolate, he might as well be on the Antarctic coast. He shivered and tightened his zip as he felt a chill working its way deep inside the bone. At least it was nearly time to get up. He had an appointment to keep, one that would make the unending nightmare of the last week all worthwhile. A rendezvous at the mountain.
A few minutes later, he was panting for breath as he struggled up the rocky road to his destination. From a distance, it had looked like a decently climbable ascent; now it was fast turning into the Long Road to Lemming High. The man was there, of course, waiting with patience in the shadow of a large tree, blending into his surroundings like a chameleon. John panted and heaved himself up the last stage of the path, nearly tripping on a flagstone as he did --
"Mind the step," the man called out to him.
"Shut your trap," he grunted back.
"All right, all right! Keep your hair on, Mr. Lemming!" The man stepped out and sat down at a picnic bench that stood close by. He was dressed in a long black coat that was pulled up to cover his face. "You brought the box?"
"Watch your fingertip," John said as he placed a small wooden box down on the bench. The other man bent over it, examining it carefully.
"That's authentic Ancient Egyptian all right," he said eagerly. "Mr. Lemming's search for treasure has been a success. All right, here's your money. Now you can go."
"Not yet. It's lunch time, and I've not eaten."
He sat down, and started to unpack sandwiches and crisps from his rucksack, strewing them higgledy-piggledy over the bench. "Damn, I'm exhausted," he said. "I feel like I've run a 24-hour lemathon."
The other man was clearly in no mood for small talk; he was still turning the box over and over and gazing at it from every angle. "No-one else knows about this, do they?" he said in a tone of some anxiety.
"No, I'm the only one left. There were six of us dug it up from the haunted botanical garden, and that night there were five alive. They found Bertie's body in the pond -- bits of him in two ponds, actually -- and then there were four."
The other man nodded. "I know the rest," he said. "Green testified that Smith did the actual deed, and now Smith's in the prison, Green's doing hard labour in the Steel Mines of Kessel, and A.T. fled the country."
"That's right. I'm the only one left who knows the truth, and you don't need to worry about me."
"I wouldn't be so sure of that."
"Huh?" John stopped, a sandwich halfway to his mouth. "What do you mean?"
The man lifted the flap of his coat away from his face, revealing his features. "I am A.T."
John leapt to his feet and started to back away, waving his hands defensively in front of him. "Now... wait just a minute...."
A.T. stood up and pulled a gun from his pocket. "It's convenient, isn't it, that you should be the last one left? As I've always said, last one out is a rotten egg."
"Please listen to me!"
A.T. walked calmly forwards, the gun steadily aimed at John, who continued to retreat. Too late, he realised that he had come to the edge of the cliff; a moment later he was clinging desperately to a ledge, while A.T. stood above him, looking down and laughing.
"Save me!" he cried.
But A.T. just stood there, disinclined to lend a helping hand. "I knew it was you who betrayed us," he said, "and I always meant to get my revenge one way or another. You really expected me to believe that we were struck by the Curse of the Pharaohs or something?"
"No, I --"
A.T. cut him off. "Whatever. Time waits for no Lemming, and I'd better get moving. Have a nice day."
Then the air was silent again, and John clung on to the ledge and considered his situation. He knew that the slightest slip could send him tumbling into the temple of oblivion far below. Don't panic, he told himself. All right, I'm in a bit of a precarious oasis, and if I let go, only floaters can survive this. But I'm not ready to become a downwardly mobile Lemming just yet!
His thoughts were interrupted by a voice calling to him. "Konnichiwa, Lemming-san!"
He knew that voice at once: Yuki, a cute Japanese girl he'd met on his travels, who for some reason had grown attached to him, and was now bearing his twins. Not so much for her sake as for theirs, he had to warn her to leave, in case A.T. was still around! "Yuki-chan, go back!" he called out. "Turn around, young Lemmings!"
She peered over the edge of the cliff and looked down on him with an expression of bewilderment. "What are you doing there, scaling the heights?"
Well, if she wasn't going to run, maybe she could help. "Yuki-chan, your friend Mr. Lemming's in a situation. Can you help me up? My arms are beginning to feel the heat."
"No problem!" she said. "I was going to ask you, let's go camping this weekend, so I've brought equipment." She threw down a rope with a complicated sort of strap on it. "Just attach this round your waist, then I'll pull you up and you can come on over to my place!"
"Wait a second... I can't undo the strap! Which way do I move this thing -- up, down, or round and round?"
"Down, along, up, in that order!" she called out.
John grunted as he strained to manipulate the strap with one hand while holding on with the other, but he soon found that it was not as complicated as it looks, and he managed to get it tightened around his waist. He looked up. "All right, you can try pulling me up now. Just don't do anything too hasty."
"John? If this goes wrong and we all fall down... will you forgive me?"
"As long as you try your best, it's okay, darling."
Yuki tugged on the rope and John began to rise, inch by inch, onward and upward, but at last with perseverance he made it to the top and collapsed next to the exhausted girl. "Thank goodness," he said. "I thought I was going to die the death of the damned back there."
"Well, you know what they say -- try anything once!" She smiled at him sweetly.
"Yeah, but if it comes to going over cliffs like stray sheep, I think I'll look before I leap next time."
He straightened himself up and looked around. There was no-one there but themselves; all was silent. "Yuki-chan?" he said. "Would you like to go back to the hotel and snuggle up to a Lemming?"
"I'd like that very much."
But two eyes were watching them as they got into Yuki's car and drove away. He'd survived the cliff? Impossible! Well, there was no choice but to follow them. A.T. had to ensure the silence of the Lemmings at all costs.
"We're coming to the crossroads," Yuki said. "Which way should I go?"
"Everyone, turn left!"
"No, the bridge is broken down," said Yuki. "We can't go that way, not unless they fix the road quick."
"You take the high road, then," said John.
But as Yuki turned the corner, he saw A.T.'s car hurtling towards them. "Stop! Turn round!" he cried.
"I can't get off this road now!" cried Yuki. "It's all or nothing!" She slammed the accelerator. "I'll look in front, you watch right and left, okay?"
"Got it," said John. "And... Yuki...."
"Yes?"
"I just wanted to say that... I love you."
"Do you really?" she said, leaning forward as she concentrated intently on the narrow road ahead of them. "I don't know, it feels like we live in two separate worlds sometimes."
John shook his head. "There's no world without you, Yuki."
A.T. grinned as he turned onto the road after them. His car was the better and faster; he could catch them! But then, too late, he remembered that day's weather forecast....
"Looks a bit nippy out there, wouldn't you say, Gina?"
"It's going to be icy on the roads tonight, and that's SNOW joke. You get it? Have an ice day, everyone!"
His car hit a patch of ice and skidded forward at tremendous speed....
When John regained consciousness, he was on a narrow ledge, a beast of a level indeed, partway down a cliff. How had he got here? Next to him was a red lump of badly beaten metal that might have once been a door. Then he remembered. They had crashed... he must have been thrown from the car....
"Yuki!" he screamed.
"John! I'm up here!"
"Thank goodness you're alive!" he called up to her. "Yuki, I'm not going to make it... this ledge is about to crumble... I want you to promise me something, all right? Just... take good care of my Lemmings...."
"John!"
"Promise me! Please!"
"I promise," she said faintly. "I'll take care of them... to the end...."
Then the ledge splits open under him, and there is no-one to watch as Mr. Lemming drops and breaks against the final impediment far below.
