So, last Thursday started like most other Thursdays in the last couple months. Get up at stupid'o'clock for work, take an unnecessarily long shower, prepare myself for work, leave the house 5 minutes later than expected, and compensate by taking the literal shortest route to work to get there on time. This route involves traveling for about 4 miles on a multi-lane expressway, 80/94 on the Illinois/Indiana border.
For those unfamiliar with American highways of this sort, 80/94 is a 5 lane highway where the "slow" lane on the far right has people going about 20% over the speed limit, and the left lane runs at about 30-40% faster. I am in the second to right most lane, going about 70 mph/110 kmph passing along the right hand side of a semi-truck which is going slightly slower.
All of the sudden, the semi-truck driver flips his right-turn signal and immediately goes back to fanning starts to change into the lane on his right. If you've been paying attention, you'll note that this lane is not exactly empty (that is to say, there is now a semi-truck that is very content with ramming the left side of my car). As luck would have it, I notice this and have juuuuuuuuuust enough time to merge into the rightmost lane to avoid this truck. I, unfortunately, do not have enough time to actually see if there's any cars in the rightmost lane right next to me which may make a lane change fairly difficult.
It of course goes without saying that there is a car exactly alongside me on the right when I try to make this lane change, and since I do not have a magical transmuting car that passes through solid objects, I hit this car and can't make the lane change. I have just enough time to swear about getting into the third car accident this month and fourth in three months and make the odd observation that the car I hit is speeding away instead of stopping (when the accident is not at all his fault) before I learn that the semi-truck STILL is insistent on getting into my lane at all cost, first slamming the front end of my car merging, spinning the rear driver's side end into the truck bed, and causing my car to immediately begin a very hard right hand turn into a solid concrete wall.
Fortunately, I recognise that things have officially gotten real and very reflexively jerk the wheel hard left while hard braking. The car skids nearly parallel to the lanes for a couple seconds before friction does its thing and forces the car towards the wall uncontrollably. Luckily, I kept the car in this state just long enough for the collision with the wall to be angular instead of direct, causing me to spin 540 degrees back into the highway and come to a full stop in the center of the rightmost lane. Fortunately, that extra half rotation causes the driver's side door to align nicely with the shoulder, and the driver's side door was the one door not damaged in the crash, so I was able to abandon the car quickly and run into the shoulder. My immediate thought at this point is "wow, I can actually still run after that?!"
My next immediate observation is the shards of broken windshield everywhere, and the stuffed fish I had in the back seat being... unsettlingly far away from the crash site, having been thrown out the rear windshield. I immediately call my parents at work to tell them what happened, which was great when the loud noises of passing traffic drowned out everything from the other end and I couldn't hear anything, while my parents got such awesome lines as "I totaled the car" and "you almost f___ing killed me" (directed at the truck driver who had just walked over to the crash site at the time).
Now, imagine you're a truck driver who has just been in an accident, and you see a mangled car leaking all kinds of fluids and a panicked guy on the phone who may or may not have serious injuries standing next to it. What is the first thing you say to this person? If your answer was similar to "There's really no way that could've been avoided," and to walk away back to your truck, then you may have a future career as a truck driver. You may also be lacking a soul, but thems the breaks.
At this point I notice emergency crews closing the right lane, a tow truck approaching, and a car on the shoulder that appears undamaged with someone standing next to him. I approach the man and he immediately asks if I'm hurt, and tells me he saw everything that happened in the accident and stopped to see if everything was ok. After a short talk the first police arrive at the scene. I give them my information, in the meantime the witness explains to the police what happened. Afterwards, I hop into the passenger side of the police car to give my side of what happened and to actually explain this to my parents, since I now can actually hear them and they're in complete hysterics over what they overheard in the first call.
About 50 feet in front of the crash, on the Illinois/Indiana border, there is an electronic sign. It flashed the message "195 traffic deaths in Illinois this year | buckle up and drive safely." In a bizarre coincidence, 196 is now my least favorite number.
I notice that the truck driver doesn't even seem to notice or care that there was a 3rd party witness, but is already telling the police about how my negligence damaged the cab of his truck (hint: I didn't even so much as touch the cab of his truck). I overhear that he's driving on a suspended license. Spiffy. Right before the officer went to drop me off at a local Burger King to meet up with my parents, he tells me he needs to issue a citation to the truck driver first. He does this, heads back in the car, and takes me to Burger King.
I get to Burger King, and it's about at this very point where the gravity of what just happened hits me like, well, an irresponsible semi-truck driver. Sentences start to become very difficult to form, and my mind immediately does its best to run a stochastic analysis of the probability of me being dead right now (I estimate it at about 30%). Either way, I get picked up, and stay home from work that day because I'm pretty much freaking out at this point.
The very next day we get a letter in the mail stating that the driver is suing us for damages to his truck, postmarked THE DATE OF THE ACCIDENT. I mean, wow, really? As for me, my right hand was a bit sore the day of the accident, but it stopped that night and I was able to go to work and do my job which involves a lot of writing with no problems.
Long story short, the truck driver was obviously found at fault, the car was totaled, and I actually got a higher than expected amount from the insurer for it. For reference, here's pictures of the car (attached). Remember: I was not injured in any way whatsoever.
I attribute me surviving this accident to either the amazing reflexes I gained from playing way too many video games, or picking the best time ever to throw a natural 20. Either way, I'm both happily alive, and a gigantic nerd.
So, yea, near-death experiences. Anyone have any?
