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[Lemika]

"Y'can't do that t'me, cheif," Lemmy slurred, pulling his arm back for a powerful punch. Just as his fist was about to connect with the weird creature's face, he noticed the thing had slid to the side. It also looked different.
"Shapeshifters!" he snarled. "I hate shapeshifters! They make my SKIN crawl!"
Crashing through the previously unnoticed underbrush, Lemmy set off after it at top speed. Unsurprisingly, after a time, he tripped over a root and sprawled flat on his face.
He also wasn't particularly surprised when he heard a whirring sound behind him. He spun around, digging deep furrows in the muddy ground, only to see...

[Lemeri]

"I tell ya chief..." Lemmy gasped "This ain't good"
"You're right." A huge creature wearing a chefs apron waddled out "This ain't good at all, but with hot-"
"AAAARRGGHH!!!!" Lemmy roared. He did some weird hand motions and the creature exploded. Lemmy licked the little bits of himself. Then he sat down, got out a bottle of vodka, and started cursing.

[drumnbach]

In his inebriated stated, he cursed each of the eight Lemras: Climbra, Floatra, Bombra, Blockra, Buildra, Bashra, Minera and Diggra. Before Lemmy\s eyes formed a spectral green-haired apparition. This ghostly lemming radiated such a bright and sallow glow that it hurt for Lemmy to look at it.

]Look deep inside yourself, Lemmy,^ said the spirit in a soft and motherly voice. Lemmy peered into his reflection on the side of the vodka bottle. Tiny teary pearls bubbled in the inner corners of his eyes. [What to make of myself?\ thought Lemmy. No one had ever taught him how to build, float or even blow himself up. Now he was nineteen years old, Lemmy had nothing to take with him into the next life.

]You know it\s not too late,^ said the spirit, her head sympathetically tilted toward her shoulder, ]you can still make something of yourself.^

]But spirit,^ lamented Lemmy, ]you talk with vagueness! My life has been guided by abstraction, and my bad habits have set like concrete.^ His eyes were wistful and full of earnest, but her eyes sunk to the bottom of their sockets and ceased to engage him.

He gave up. He knocked back another mouthful of vodka and searched for a place to sleep in the vast underbrush.

[Timballisto]

After he woke up, he was on a stick. &#A0;It was floating in the middle of a big infinite white space. &#A0;After a couple of seconds, he realized that he was holding a small hand held computer display that said "HEADING FOR POINT B". &#A0;Lemmy decided to sit on the stick until it got to point B...whatever that was. &#A0;So, he sat on the stick for about 5 days. &#A0;He entertained himself wit hhis own stupidity. &#A0;This was enough to get him through the five days. &#A0;When the stick reached point B, there was nothing there. &#A0;Point B didn't exist. &#A0;It was just a reference to a part of the space Lemmy was moving through. &#A0;After the stick stopped for about 5 seconds, the display showed "HEADING FOR POINT T". &#A0;Lemmy was bored of this stupid stick. &#A0;He had no other choice though than to stay on the stick. &#A0;So, he did. &#A0;About 10 days later, he saw another stick. &#A0;It was about 3 feet away. &#A0;He decided that maybe if he got on another stick, he might go somewhere interesting. &#A0;So, he tried to jump on the stick across from him, but, when he jumped, he found that he just stayed at the crest of his jump. &#A0;So, the stick was passing under &#A0;him at about 4 MPH, when he turned his body 90 degrees downward, and then walked onto the stick and reoriented himself. &#A0;After he sat on the stick, his display exploded, and he got a new one out of nowhere after 5 seconds. &#A0;It said "HEADING FOR POINT B".
"....Oh....yeah....that's just great....." Lemmy thought. &#A0;Then he got an idea. &#A0;He walked off the stick. &#A0;Then he kept walking. &#A0;After walking for about 5 days, he got to point B on accident, and then after five seconds, his display registered "ILLEGAL OPERATION - OBJECT AT POINT WITHOUT STICK. &#A0;TERMINATE." &#A0;Then the display blew up, and 5 seconds later, Lemmy's vision went blank. &#A0;Then 5 more seconds later, he woke up in a room with a weird kid wearing a hat. &#A0;The room was dim except for a computer monitor through which the kid was watching...sticks moving through a vast white space...wow. &#A0;That kid needs to get a life. &#A0;Well, whatever. &#A0;After that strange ordeal, Lemmy....

[drumnbach]

After that, Lemmy paced over toward the kid and peered over his shoulder. It seemed there was something written on those black and pixellated sticks that he couldn\t quite make out.

]Hey kid,^ said Lemmy, ]hows about you change the resolution of that there display?^ The kid obliged, which Lemmy found somewhat unusual: young whiz-kids tend to dismiss Lemmy at the sound of his breath.

At the more comfortable resolution of 640x480, Lemmy could make out the writing on those black and pixellated sticks.

[POINT LESS,\ they read. Lemmy took another sip from his bottle.

]Point less?^ Lemmy pondered to himself. ]Point lessU what do you suppose that means, kid?^

]Well, my mum always used to tell me it was rude to point,^ answered the kid.

]So she was telling you to point less?^

]Hey, I guess she was.^

]How about a sip of this here Tolstoy vodka?^

]Sure.^

The two of them drank until the moon lit the room and the drink lit their hearts. Through Lemmy\s vision, the white of the moonlight and the black of the room melted together into a hazy grey. In a blurry turn he looked at the kid. The kid looked back with his own drunken eyeballs. Lemmy pointed at him.

]Y\know, kid,^ slurred Lemmy, ]you\re my b-best friend!^

As though Lemmy were imbued with some magical power, the kid started to shapeshift as a result of Lemmy's finger wagging...

[Timballisto]

"Dang...ya know, I really oughta stop that..." Lemmy thought.

[Lemika]

Lemmy did not remain to see what hideous apparition would be born of his mistake. He took one look at the wavering form of the boy. Then he hurled his bottle of vodka at him with all his meager strength, made a snarling noise deep in his throat, and ran.
To his suprise, he actually made it through the door. This was more coincidence than any actually recognition of time and space on Lemmy's part, but so full of the drink was he that it mattered not.

After a time, he tripped over a metallic object in his path. Something about the object triggered his memory, but his brain failed to supply him with the answer, so he lay sprawled on the ground.
Minutes went by, and then something prodded him in the side. Blearily, Lemmy raised his head, and stared into an all-too familiar face with a groan.
"Not you," he slurred.
"You've got a lot of repressed feelings, don't you, Lemmy?" snarled a voice. "Must be what's keeping your hair up."
"You make... make no sense!" Lemmy gasped, rolling to a sitting position.
He blinked. He felt as if his reality had once again collapsed around him. The robot in front of him was utterly unfamiliar.
"You're not who I thought you were," he said.
"That's right."
"Then how do you know my NAME?" Lemmy roared, unreasonably aggravated by the simple fact.
"The database knows all," the robot responded in a truly infuriating manner. "All beings are categorically sorted in the great database."
Lemmy wrestled to get his rage under control, and failed. "WHAT database?" he snarled. "How can I, the greatest of beings, be categorized?!"
The robot laughed at him.

[drumnbach]

Panic rushed beneath Lemmy\s skin. His brain felt tender. The robot had projected his own sickening power into Lemmy\s mind, and a crushing discomfort consumed him. It seemed if Lemmy didn\t escape the robot\s presence then a dreadful thing might happen.

Lemmy\s head shook violently from side to side as his eyes searched for an exit. To his right he saw a stairwell\s entrance leading to the ground floor, but the relief he felt at seeing this stayed with him for but a discourteously brief moment as from the stairwell he heard footsteps of increasing loudness.

The robot\s presence and this new variable ` this thing climbing the stairs ` crushed Lemmy\s soul in a most terrifying way. As Lemmy sunk his head between his trembling knees, a new sound could be heard. The sounds of shimmering chimes and splashing water accompanied the footsteps, and in Lemmy\s mind these new sounds offset the terror of the old one.

]Wilson,^ said a woman from the stairwell, ]I\ve poured you some fresh orange juice.^
[Fresh orange?\ thought Lemmy.

A woman in her forties entered the room from the stairwell and almost fell over backward when she saw a robot and an oversized rodent squatting in the upstairs corridor.

]What on earth is going on here?^ asked the woman.
]That bloody robot is categorising me with its flippin\ database thingamajig!^ said Lemmy, flailing his arms around. The woman expressed bemusement at this.
]Yes, and this pathetic rodent can\t handle it,^ said the robot with a most haughty expression. The woman recognised the voice of this robot as being the voice of her son, Wilson.
]A grand database,^ said Wilson\s mum, ]sounds too complicated for me!^
]Everybody\s name is stored on the grand database,^ said Wilson, ]their names, occupation, nickname as a child, everything.^
]Am I on that database thingie?^
]Of course. There\s a picture of you on here, as well.^
]Ooh, isn\t technology marvellous!^

Lemmy instantly saw the opportunity offered to him by this inane t&#EA;te-&#E0;-t&#EA;te. Quietly and with his head down he crawled toward the stairwell and made his escape.

[Lemika]

However, poor Lemmy was never a lucky Lemming. As he was crawling towards the stairs with his head down, he failed to see that the staircase became the most malevolent of devices, the spiral staircase.
With a squawk of horror, Lemmy plunged through the gap between railing and stair, and barely managed to cling there precariously.
Moments later, he worked up the courage to open his eyes, and noticed that he was dangling mere feet from the ground. "No guts, no glory," he muttered to himself, and let go.

Contrary to his earlier observation, it now appeared that he had in fact been hanging closer to five hundred feet in the air than five. His world faded into a hazy display of flashing lights, and he thought he heard insanely loud music playing off in the distance.

And for a time, he knew no more.

[Timballisto]

Then, he woke up, on a stick.  He was in a giant white space that went on forever.  Five seconds later a computer display appeared in his hands.  It said "HEADING FOR POINT B".  Lemmy put his hand on his face and threw the display away, only to have another one appear, yeah, you guessed it, five seconds later.

[Lemika]

"I will not be stuck in a loop!" Lemmy growled, cursing and evoking the names of all the fictional demons he could think of under his breath.
He closed his eyes, spread his arms, and felt the power surging through him. He began to get slightly worried when he smelled ozone and could dimly see his snout crackling with electrical charge -- but fortunately, just before he fried to a crisp, all the current leaped to the white sticks.
Lemmy blinked. "Wonderful," he said, sarcasm verily dripping from his words. "I gotta get those demon powers under control."
As it turned out, all he had managed to do was electrify the white sticks.
Ominously, they turned towards him and began narrowing in upon him.
"Oh no!" he gasped. "I'm going to die!"

However, just in the nick of time...

[drumnbach]

Just in the nick of time, he opened his other eye, granting him perception of three-dimensional depth and thus illuminating the reality of his situation. The white sticks were shown to Lemmy as being but mere pencils. Of course, Lemmy's plight would have remained the same regardless of whether or not he had lifted his slacker eyelid: Lemmy's percieved reality doesn't dictate objective reality. Or maybe it does, and because of this new thread of doubt that I have weaved into the tale, the white sticks were once again imbued with a dreadful monstrousness.

With that pointless paragraph behind him, Lemmy saw that his only option besides death was to leap off of the stick and into the great white vista. After much contemplation, Lemmy chose death.

***

Lemmy lay dazed on a hard mortar floor.

"Get up, Lemmy!" said someone.
"Am I in heaven?" asked Lemmy.
"Heaven can wait." said the someone.
"We hope!" interjected another someone.

Sluggishly, Lemmy opened his eyes. He couldn't make out what anything was; every pixel of his vision was like a tiny star.

"So where am I?" he asked.

[Isu]

"The great database," they said as they helped him up,
"Not THE database!" Lemmy cried in disbelief "I heard about how we are all categorized into a database thingymajigy, and you're now telling me that I'm now actually INSIDE this thing!"
"Yes, weird isn't it?" the someone replied. "When I first came here, I was as confused as you was. Trust me, you will adjust."
"Unfortunately there is no such thing as Heaven." The second someone stated, "It's just a thing made up by living creatures to explain death."
"What you mean I'm dead?" Lemmy questioned.
"Up here, we don't like to think of it as death," the someone said "we prefer the term 'Medigrate'."
"Everyone up here has special names depending on how they lived their life," the second someone explained, "Because I spent most of my life carrying a brolley, they call me Floatra"
"Right, and I'm Climbra" the someone interrupted
"Of course, you'll need a name too," Floatra continued, "since you were dedicated to traveling, we'll call you Walkra"

Lemmy was taken aback. That last bit of info gave him the impression that he was now one of the great Lemra's.

"We need to take you to the Boss, he's been expecting you" Floatra told Lemmy
"He expects ME?"
"Yup, and he doesn't like to be kept waiting."

10 minutes later; Lemmy, Climbra, and Floatra had reached the foot of...

[drumnbach]

10 minutes later, Lemmy, Climbra and Floatra has reached the tapping foot of Blockra, the awe-inspiring and not to mention ten tonne Lemmus lemmus.

]That giant of a Lemming is Blockra,^ said Floatra, ]he\s the guardian of the database.^
]Seems a cheerful chap,^ said Lemmy while eyeing the skyscraper-tall rodent up and down in a most neck-aching fashion.
]He\s here to keep the Bombras from getting into the valley.^
]I suppose you wouldn\t want those chaps spoiling the quaintness of this fair place.^
]Certainly not,^ interrupted Cimbra, ]we don\t want those flippin\ bombras nicking our jobs and stealing our women. Shoot [em. Send [em back to the moon, that\s what I say.^
Upon hearing Climbra\s outspoken tirade, Lemmy started to feel a little uncomfortable.
]Er, so where do the bombras go when restricted entry here?^ asked Lemmy.
]To the quarry,^ said Floatra, ]the boss assigns them each a number and then they just walk into the pits and self-destruct in the most explosive fashion.^
]That sounds horrible!^ said Lemmy, his eyes like golf balls, ]you mean to say that they live their real lives as bombers, and then they get sent here ` who knows how ` and get blown up again? Terrible! And what then? Are they consigned to live and die in a continuous cycle, never to be free of their detonative reincarnation?^
]They are the servant class,^ said Floatra, ]that is their purpose in life, or indeed lives. It sounds unfair, but the grand system just wouldn\t work without it being so.^

Lemmy felt sick at the notion of an eternity spent having ones skin and bones torn apart. And what of this servant-class talk? Might the savage bombras of the database be slave to the more privileged classes before being sent to that hellish quarry place? Lemmy always thought that all Lemmings were equal, that each Lemming\s contribution to the completion of a task - no matter how self-destructive that contribution be ` was held in similar esteem to that of its fellow\s. But the afterlife had gifted Lemmy a certain birds-eye-view of the Lemming condition: that maybe some Lemmings really are valued above others. This filled Lemmy with a deep and profound sadness.

]Lemmy,^ said Floatra, ]the boss lives in a little house a few hundred yards from the quarry. Let\s go!^

[Timballisto]

"Er...I dont' like this place..."  Lemmy quavered.
"Again, you will certainly adjust in time." Floatra said.
The situation was unnerving.  Lemmy did not like this place.  How it worked set his conscience stirring in wild circles, telling him that this place was not right, it was altogether evil.  He needed to...help, this place.  He eventually gave in to his desires and formed a plan...

They continued their long walk to the bosses house, jaunting and joking along the way.  Behind his humor though Lemmy was furiously scheming and plotting.  He had to right this place for all lemanity.  He was reminded of the apartheid in South Africa, and how the original inhabitants of the area were treated as unequal and given the poorer lots in life.

When he got to the boss's house, he...

(Hint for the next part...if someone so desires it to be what I hope for: revolution de bombers...led by a certain lemming...)